What are you assuming about your personal growth?

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Time to read: 4 minutes

Hi Reader

We all make assumptions on a regular basis. It's a natural and essential part of how our brains work efficiently. Instead of having to process every single piece of information, we identify patterns, fill in the gaps and simplify complexity. .

But when it comes to our personal development, the assumptions we make don't always serve us well. So this week we'll explore how to spot and challenge the unhelpful assumptions that might be holding us back.

But first, a true story...

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How two assumptions nearly held back my career

There was a new internal team forming and I wanted to be part of it.

I knew the hiring manager pretty well. He’d been a key stakeholder on a previous project and we'd worked together for months.

When I read the role description, I felt like I was a great fit. So I assumed it was only a matter of time before he gave me a shout to chat about it.

But he didn’t. It was odd. And as the application deadline drew closer my doubts started to creep in.

However, I really wanted the role. So although my expectations were now much lower, I applied anyway.

He wasn’t the only interviewer and it turned out I was a good fit after all. I was relieved and excited when I landed the role. But I was confused by what had panned out. So, a short while after starting I had a coffee with my new manager.

After a bit of small-talk I plucked up the courage and asked the question that had been bothering me: "I always felt like I was a great fit for this. But I was surprised you didn't get in touch to ask if I was interested. Why was that?".

He looked a little confused at first, then gave me a wry smile and said "Well I was hoping you'd apply, I knew you'd be good for the role. But when you didn't get in touch, I assumed you were happy in the job you were in."

I'd assumed he'd get in touch to signal his interest. He'd assumed my lack of contact meant I wasn't up for the role. And those assumptions had nearly derailed an important step in my career. Another big lesson learned!

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The assumptions we make about our growth

Our assumptions are shaped by many things: Our past experiences. The beliefs we hold about the world and how it works. Our perceptions of how others should operate. And countless other influences.

The key point about an assumption is that it's untested. It's a mental shortcut we've created - often unconsciously.

And when it comes to what we think is possible, or what we're capable of, we run the risk of selling ourselves short.

Here's a collection of assumptions that regularly show up when I coach or chat to people about their ambitions and goals.

• “I’m not experienced enough.”
• “I’m too old to start learning something new.”
• “I don’t have the right connections to succeed.”
• “It didn’t work last time (so it’ll never work).”
• “That’s not how things are done here.”
• “They won’t take me seriously if …”
• “People like me don’t do that.”
• “I can’t say that.”

Now if those assumptions just came out loud like that, they'd be easier to spot and challenge. But it doesn't usually work like that. Instead, assumptions are often unsaid. They're in the background shaping and constraining our thoughts.

So how do we do something about them?

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Spotting and challenging our assumptions

Discovering and testing our assumptions is a nuanced process, but it breaks down to three core steps:

1. Define the unseen

By slowing down and exploring our thought processes we'll start to uncover these hidden scripts and rules.

Maybe you're making plans and discounting some options before you even think why that is. Or there are a set of paths to your growth that you just don't even consider are available to you.

Asking yourself reflective questions can help.

• What other options do I have?
• What am I not considering?
• What have I ruled out too quickly?

Sometimes even imagining how others would tackle things can reveal assumptions you're making about yourself.

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2. Challenge to change

When you've got the essence of an assumption showing up, you can start to explore it.

Is it an observed behaviour? A cultural norm? A shadow from a previous experience? Or a belief about how you - or the the world - has to work?

• What if they're more perception that reality?
• What if "defying the rule" could move you closer to your ideals?

Find ways to test your expectations. Maybe explore whether you actually have any hard facts about this. But watch out for confirmation bias here too. We're great at finding things that prove what we believe!

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3. Break through

Once you're armed with a better understanding you can test the assumption.

Find a way to nudge it or break it. Even just a little bit can help.

If the assumption holds out and we prove it's true, that's still a benefit. We've found a real limit and we can construct our plans accordingly.

But, more often than not, we'll realise the assumption wasn't true. The perceived constraint will fade away. And we can move past it to make bolder progress.

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Now while the description of this is easy, the process is often hard. Our assumptions can be ingrained - hidden deep in our thought processes. They often only start to show up when we do the suitably deep reflective work.

As a coach I can often spot when someone's operating from unchallenged assumptions, but as the saying goes "it's hard to read the label from inside the bottle". So if you're struggling with this process maybe find a thought partner to work with. It'll really help.

And I'm always open to a chat about working together. Just drop me a reply or book a call.

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Pivoting our assumptions to work in our favour

As a quick bonus tip, sometimes we can reframe our assumptions to work in our favour.

Let's take some of those assumptions again:

• "I'm not experienced enough."
• "They won't accept my proposal."
• "I'm too old to start learning something new."
• "I don't have the right connections to succeed."
• "It didn’t work, so it’ll never work.”

But look what happens when we reframe and flip those same things:

• "I could bring a fresh perspective."
• "This might be just what they need."
• "Learning something new would be a fresh start."
• "I can build the right connections over time."
• "I’ve learned something I can build from.”

That might just be the tweak that you need to turn the assumption into something far more helpful.

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Wrap up

We can't stop ourselves from making assumptions. They're often useful and efficient mental shortcuts.

But we can get better at spotting the less helpful assumptions that we're making. Then taking the time to test and maybe reframe them. Then we can move past artificial and untrue constraints and accelerate our growth.

Here's a question to reflect on this weekend:

Thanks for reading. Stay ambitious.

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When you're ready for more help I've got options for in-depth 1:1 coaching and my Ambition Accelerator group programme.

They can help you move past the obstacles that are holding you back, so you can define and reach your ambitious, purposeful impact.

Feel free to drop me a reply or book a call here: https://calendly.com/rob-stubbs-sparked-ambition/connection​

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Rob

Sparked Ambition Ltd

​linkedin.com/in/robstubbs​

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