How comparison holds us back
Received this email from a colleague? Sign up to Ignition Point
Time to read: 4 minutes
Hi Reader
You're building towards something meaningful. You're making progress. Then you see someone announce a big win, and suddenly your achievements feel... inadequate.
That's comparison at work.
As humans, we naturally compare ourselves to others. It's hardwired into us. But when comparison becomes our default setting, it creates resistance that slows our progress and puts an artificial ceiling on our potential.
This week, I'm exploring the hidden ways comparison holds us back - and why awareness is the first step to something much more powerful.
The common comparison traps
Unhelpful comparison shows up in predictable patterns. But these are easy to miss when we're in them:
Success Theatre
We compare our behind-the-scenes to someone else's highlight reel. We see their polished wins on LinkedIn but none of the setbacks, doubts, or challenges that came before (or that might still exist). The gap feels enormous because we're comparing distorted realities. So we feel like we're falling behind even though we’re making solid progress.
Timeline Compression
We lose sight of the journey others have been on. If you're working towards a milestone six months away and see someone achieve something similar today, it's easy to think "I should be further along" or "I need to go faster". But we rarely see the years of work that preceded their breakthrough. Meanwhile, we're stuck feeling impatient.
Composite Comparison
We take all the seemingly best bits from different people and create an impossible standard to live up to. I've worked with clients who'd previously been advised to look and learn from "inspirational figures", only to create an unrealistic composite ideal they could never achieve. And that just held them back even more.
Seemingly Aspirational Comparison
This one's sneaky. We know we shouldn't compare, but we do it anyway and still convince ourselves it's useful. We rationalise our comparisons by calling them "inspiration", but underneath, we still measure ourselves in ways that drain our confidence and demotivate us.
What do all these patterns have in common?
- Lack of context – we know our full story but only see fragments of others
- Selective and biased focus - then we run our observations through our own filters, beliefs and assumptions
- Inaction - Finally, we find nothing constructive to do with the comparison once we’ve made it.
Why comparison keeps us stuck
These comparison patterns create resistance in several critical ways:
It affects our mindset. We start to doubt ourselves, thinking “I should be further along”, “I’m not doing enough”, or even "I'm not good enough". That internal dialogue drains our energy and clouds our thinking.
It leads to fear-based decisions. If comparison dictates our actions, we play it safer and hesitate to take risks. “They’re clearly doing it better than me—who am I to try?”, "I can't achieve that like them." So, instead of pushing forward, we shrink our ambitions.
We chase the wrong things. We get shiny object syndrome and assume someone else's path should be our path. But chasing what we assume works for them can lead to more confusion and frustration. Their path, strategy, and strengths may be completely different from ours.
Taken to the extreme, we might even start focusing on reputation management. We assume others are scrutinising us the way we scrutinise them. So we worry about how we appear rather than what we're actually doing. We become externally rather than internally focused, creating a vicious cycle of reduced progress.
Over time, if we don’t break this routine, it dents our confidence, builds hesitation, and slows our growth - putting an artificial limit on our potential.
Starting to break free from comparison
Comparison is a big topic. Next week, I'll be sharing how to turn comparison from a source of frustration into a tool for growth. But it all starts with awareness.
So this week, I want you to reflect on how comparison usually shows up for you. Notice any points in the week when you feel that comparison sting again.
- Is it triggered by a specific person?
- Do you spiral after scrolling on social media?
- Or are you fine until you see someone's unexpected news of success?
Resist the temptation to dismiss the feelings immediately - that'll just bury them. Instead, take a moment to capture what's showing up. I'll show you how to use that for something much more powerful in next week's edition.
Wrap up
Comparison doesn't always have to be bad, but the default patterns we often fall into can frustrate us while limiting our growth and impact. As we develop our understanding of these patterns, we gain the power to transform how comparison affects us.
Let me leave you with this week's reflective question:
How much is comparison holding back your full impact?
Breaking free starts with awareness, and that awareness opens the door to the purposeful growth you're truly capable of. See you next week for the next chapter.
What triggers comparison for you? Hit reply - I'd love to hear. And keep scrolling if you feel like you need some help 👇
Stay ambitious.
Rob
Sparked Ambition Ltd
linkedin.com/in/robstubbs