Stop fighting comparison. Harness it instead.

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Time to read: 4 minutes

Hi Reader

Last week, we explored how comparison can hold us back and keep us stuck. But comparison is a natural human trait. So, instead of attempting the impossible task of eliminating it, let's use it for something way more helpful.

Because the difference between getting derailed by comparison and making progress often comes down to how we respond to that initial comparison trigger.

So this week, I'm sharing practical steps that you can use to transform comparison from a source of frustration into an intentional and powerful catalyst for your growth and impact.

And if you missed last week's edition, you can read it here:

​How comparison holds back your impact​

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Reframing our reactive comparison

When comparison hits, our default reaction is emotional: You might feel envy, frustration, inadequacy, doubt or more.

You've probably experienced this at some point - I know I have! Maybe these are familiar...

• "I'll never be as successful as they are."
• "They make it look so easy. What's wrong with me?"
• "I've been working twice as hard with half the results."
• "Maybe I'm just not cut out for that level of success."
• "Why does everything seem to work out for them?"
• "I should be further along by now."
• "What do they have that I'm missing?"
• "If only I had their connections/resources/background, I could do that too."

These emotions might be "true" feelings in the moment, but it doesn't mean our thoughts and logic are correct. And while it's tempting to try and ignore comparison, it doesn't work. These feelings will linger and could ultimately drag down our confidence and progress.

The most successful leaders and business owners I've worked with don't avoid comparison any more. We've developed their self-awareness so they catch themselves and ask, "What can I learn here?"

Here's how you can start to make that shift:

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1. Pause, notice and name

When you feel that comparison trigger (the "twinge" when you see someone else's achievement), don't push it away. Notice it. Name it.

"I'm feeling envious of Sarah's promotion."

"I'm frustrated that Tom's business is growing faster than mine."

This simple naming creates a little distance between you and the emotion. It turns the feeling from something that's controlling you into something you're observing.

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2. Get curious

Ask yourself:

• What exactly am I reacting to?
• What does this tell me about what I want?
• Is this truly about their journey, or is something missing in mine?

A client recently felt comparison flare up because of a "competitor's" social media post. He saw her success and felt he should be further along - and that made him jealous while feeling like he was falling short. A double whammy. Oof.

When we dug deeper, he realised it wasn’t about this specific person or her progress. They weren't a competitor anyway - more like a helpful peer. It was that her success made my client reflect on his own procrastination and his desire to be more courageous with his expertise.

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3. Extract the insight

Once you understand what’s driving the comparison, ask:

• What’s one lesson I could learn from this?
• Is there an approach or quality I could adapt in my own way?
• What’s one small action this insight points me toward?

The key here is finding something specific and actionable within the comparison rather than using it as evidence to doubt yourself.

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4. Take deliberate action

Turn the insight into a concrete step - something small enough to act on soon but significant enough to move you forward.

My client decided the key insight was that the other person was being bolder with her visibility and how she shared her expertise. It represented a level of bravery that he wanted to emulate, so we translated it into specific actions he could take the next week. He took the lead on something he'd been avoiding and also put himself into a new situation where his expertise could shine.

The magic happens in this final step. Without action, insight remains just an interesting thought. But action leads to transformation.

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And although this 4-step approach doesn't guarantee that you'll never feel the twinge of comparison again, it does mean you'll create a much more helpful reaction and outcome when it does happen.

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Going further with strategic comparison

We've talked about how to handle and pivot unhelpful comparison when it shows up. But the natural next step is to use comparison as an intentional, strategic tool.

Start by identifying people who have characteristics or successes that you genuinely admire. They don't need to be an exact match for your situation or goals but should represent elements of what you're working towards.

Then, the crucial difference is in the framing:

• Instead of "Why can't I be where they are?" ask "What can I learn from their journey?"
• Instead of comparing outcomes, compare approaches and mindsets
• Instead of generalised admiration, look for specific techniques you can adapt

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And don't just look from a distance. Why not drop them a line and start a conversation? Most successful people are willing to share their knowledge - after all, they had help along the way too. A coffee, a call, or even a thoughtful message can open the door to insights you'd never gain through observation from afar.

When you approach comparison this way, it transforms from a source of self-doubt into a practical learning tool. You extract valuable lessons while maintaining confidence in your unique path, abilities and timeline.

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Wrap up

So this week, when comparison surfaces (and it probably will), try the four-step process:

1. Pause, notice and name
2. Get curious
3. Extract the insight
4. Take deliberate action

Then schedule some time for strategic comparison and start a conversation with someone who can help you!

Here's this week's reflection:

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Next week, we'll close out this 3-part series with the most powerful comparison of all: Measuring against your past self rather than others.

So, if you haven't already, you'll find it helpful to complete my free Purposeful​ Impact Assessment. It'll show you where you're already strong and highlight your next priority for personal growth.

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Do you need a bit more help to make comparison work for you? Hit reply - I'm always open to a quick email chat.

Stay ambitious.

Rob

Sparked Ambition Ltd

​linkedin.com/in/robstubbs​

I created Ignition Point to drive your purposeful growth. But if you need a little more support to achieve your purposeful ambitions, here are 3 ways I can help you:

1. Take the Purposeful Impact assessment. Uncover where you're already in a strong position and what might be holding you back. Take the assessment (free, 10 minutes)
2. Explore the Ambition Accelerator. My high-impact, small-group programme. I help you identify the ambitious, purposeful impact that you want to make. Then build the strategy and mindset to make it happen. Find out more here: Ambition Accelerator.
3. Speak To Me. Book a free call to discuss your needs and how I can help. We'll explore your current situation, your aspirations and your current challenges. ​

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